DeW fRoM hEaVeN

I will be like the dew to Israel; he will blossom like a lily. Like a cedar of Lebanon he will send down his roots; his young shoots will grow. His splendour will be like an olive tree, his fragrance like a cedar of Lebanon. Men will dwell again in his shade… Hosea 14:5-7, NIV The Lord’s been talking to me about rain. I kept finding verses about how He sends water, rain or dew on the earth. I began to understand an important principle. Man is like a seed. He’s got the potential of life. But two things are required for the spark of life to begin. First of all the seed needs to be planted and hidden in the soil, and secondly it must have the rain. The seed thirsts for the rain. The verses in Hosea speak of the importance of rain. Rain enables roots to grow and be strengthened so that they’re able to go down deep. With its roots, a young tree is able to draw in essential food, but also to have the stability it needs to survive. Each part of the tree is then able to grow and develop and bring forth its own special blossom. After a period of time, the tree matures and shows forth all its finery. Its splendour and fragrance bear testimony to the good environment it has enjoyed. As the seasons come and go it blossoms and bears fruit. Its branches provide shelter to those in need. Isn’t that a great picture of life? Every part of the tree is alive and well, fulfilling its purpose. The Bible says that the source of richness is the water supply –dew to be exact. A friend told me that it rarely rains in Israel. But there’s a counterpart to rain. Mist rises from the sea and settles over the mountains as dew, gently soaking into the earth. What a beautiful illustration of the work of the Holy Spirit in us! So why is this water so vital for our lives? The Bible is filled with references to water as the provision sent to us from heaven. Isaiah 45:8 describes justice as the rain of heaven, clearly sent by God. When it comes down, it produces the fruit of ‘salvation’ and a harvest of ‘righteousness’. God has put the seed of life into every single one of us. But He patiently waits for us. Our part is to open up the ground of our hearts to Him, and crave for His water. Prayer: Lord, You alone know the seed that You’ve put in me and the ground of my life. You know if it’s become dry, broken or even dead. Your eyes see what You’ve sown in me. Would You help me to open up to You, to realize that You alone make me come alive? Would You send Your rain so that I can flourish by the work of Your Spirit? Thank you Father!

EuRoPeAn ChRiStMaS wIsHeS!!!!

The European Commission has announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations the British Government conceded that English spelling has room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase in plan

that would become known as Euro-English

In the first year “ s “ will replace the soft “ c “. Sertainly this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard “ c “ will be dropped in favour of “ k “. This should klear up

konfusion and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be a growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome “ ph “ will be replased with “ f “. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3^rd year public akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expected to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent “ e “ in the language is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4^th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replacing “ th “with “ z “ and “ w “ with  “ v “

During ze fifz yer ze unesesary “ o “ kan be drpd from vords kontaining “ ou “ and after ziz fifz yer v vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evri vun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza.

Ze drem of a United Urop vil finali kum tru.

N efter ze fifz yer ve vil al be spekin german like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

 

 

F a blesd Krismas n api Nu Yer !

Let’s face it – English is a crazy language

 There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine In pineapple. English muffins weren’t invented in England. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t ham? Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wiseguy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on. If Dad is Pop, how come! Mom isn’t Mop?

ThE cEnTuRiOn LiStEnS

Now we are all here in the presence of God to listen to everything the Lord has commanded you to tell us.

Acts 10:33, NIV

I was reading in the Bible about Cornelius, the centurion. Had I lived in the time of the early Church, I would have loved to meet this man. In Acts 10 we learn that he was a devout man, prayed regularly and gave generously to the people. We also read that all his household followed in his footsteps. Everyone agreed that he was a good man.

Most of all, Cornelius listened to God. An angel came to him with a message; he was to fetch Simon Peter, who would teach him the ways of the Lord. From that moment on Cornelius gave himself no rest, until Peter had come to his household. He practically dragged Peter into his house. Not only that, but he made sure that his family and friends were there to hear the message too. ‘Now we are all here in the presence of God to listen to everything the Lord has commanded you to tell us.’ They were eager and reverent listeners!

Are we people who listen? Do we know how to come expectantly into the presence of God? Do we sense when God wants to talk to us? We all need to ask ourselves these questions. Cornelius’ story teaches us to pray, to be quick to obey when God gives a command and to be teachable – to be humble.

But the part that thrills me most in this story is, although we may do all we can to follow God, He is also involved in our lives and doesn’t leave us to struggle on by ourselves. Cornelius was following God with all his heart, but to move forward he needed God’s special word at this particular moment in his journey.

‘He (Peter) will bring you a message through which you and all your household will be saved’ (Acts 11:14). This message was a matter of life or death for Cornelius. He recognized it and God rewarded his obedience. ‘While Peter was still speaking these words, the Holy Spirit came on all who heard the message’ (Acts 10:44).

Are you taking time to listen carefully to all that God wants to say to you?

Prayer: Father, I thank You that being a Christian means walking with You. It’s not just me trying to follow You, but You ‘follow’ my progress too. Lord, would You please help me to recognize Your presence and Your voice. Would You help me to pray and expect You to answer? I love You Father! In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

LeArNiNg FrOm DaD!

“ Therefore Jesus answered and was saying to them, ‘Truly, truly, I say to you, the Son can do nothing of Himself, unless it is something He sees the Father doing; for whatever the Father does, these things the Son also does in like manner’.” John 5:19, NASB

These words remind me of a little boy named Tim. My mum often hired his dad to fix things at home and little Tim would come along to ‘assist’ his dad. Wherever dad went, Tim went too. He carefully watched what his father did, as if his life depended on it and peppered him with questions. Far from being annoyed, dad entrusted him with important jobs. He’d say ‘Hand me the hammer Tim!’ and ‘How many screws do we have left?’ For both, this was a precious time of bonding as the adult showing the little man how to live life!

Just as Tim did what his father asked him to do, Jesus tells us in our Scripture, that He only does what He sees the Father doing! So when we see Jesus healing the sick, for example, we know that the vision for healing began with Father God.

Now this raises a question. If Jesus watched His Father and imitated His every word or move, then why don’t we? After all, ‘a student is not above his teacher, nor a servant above his master’ (Matthew 10:24). Like a child, we might need to consider spending more time with our heavenly Father, learning from Him about what He’s doing and what we can do for Him.

Some of us may not understand that we can have a heavenly Father, for no dad has ever spent time with us. We might even feel like we’ve been robbed of something vital, which we’ll never get back. Well, God is the Father we can always run to and ask Him to show us how to live. It was His plan that parents would teach their children how to live, but the reality can often be far from that nowadays. But God Himself hasn’t changed one bit!

So whether or not you’ve known a good father in your life, why don’t you just run to your heavenly Father today. Tug His sleeve and ask Him to show you something! He’ll love it.

Prayer: Father, I thank You that You’ve adopted me. Thank You, because it gives me the right to call You just that, ‘Father – Father – Father!’ Today, I want to be with You, even as I go about my everyday tasks. Would You show me the things You do, so I can do them too. Thank You Dad! Amen.

SpOoNeRiSms

WHAT IS THAT???

Well I asked myself the same question after receiving from my work colleague the following words : “Meeky Chonkey”. I used to think I had a fair knowledge of English, knowing some slang from different countries and being able to play around with the words…Till recently.

Coming back to my colleague, I did ask him in wonder where he had unearthed those words. Again, he replied with two words : “Spoonerize it”. And that’’s how we come on today’s subject : Spoonerism.

• My friend Wikipedia tells me “A spoonerism is an error in speech or deliberate play on words in which corresponding consonants, vowels, or morphemes are switched. It is named after the Reverend William Archibald Spooner (1844–1930), Warden of New College, Oxford, who was notoriously prone to this tendency.” As a personal note, I will add that these are called “Contrepèteries” in French, and are unfortunately often used for wrong purposes.
• I realize that, if you’re as fond of theory as i am, you’ll need some examples, so here we go:

 

“Three cheers for our queer old dean!” (dear old queen, referring to Queen Victoria)

“Is it kisstomary to cuss the bride?” (customary to kiss)

“A blushing crow.” (crushing blow)

A well-boiled icicle” (well-oiled bicycle)

“You were fighting a liar in the quadrangle.” (lighting a fire)

“Is the bean dizzy?” (dean busy)

“Someone is occupewing my pie. Please sew me to another sheet.” (occupying my pew…show me to another seat)

“You have hissed all my mystery lectures. You have tasted a whole worm. Please leave Oxford on the next town drain.” (missed…history, wasted…term, down train

 

And since all thood gings -I mean good things- should end with a story, here comes Cinderella:

 

Prinderella and the Cince

by Colonel Stoopnagle

Here, indeed, is a story that’ll make your cresh fleep. It will give you poose gimples. Think of a poor little glip of a surl, prairie vitty, who, just because she had two sisty uglers, had to flop the more, clinkle the shuvvers out of the stitchen cove and do all the other chasty nores, while her soamly histers went to a drancy bess fall. Wasn’t that a shirty dame?

Well, to make a long shorry stort, this youngless hapster was chewing her doors one day, when who should suddenly appear but a garry fawdmother. Beeling very fadly for this witty prafe, she happed her clands, said a couple of waggic merds, and in the ash of a flybrow, Cinderella* was transformed into a bavaging reauty.

And out at the  pre=”the “>sturbcone stood a nagmificent coalden goach, made of a pipe rellow yumpkin. The gaudy fairmother told her to hop in and dive to the drance, but added that she must positively be mid by homelight. So, overmoash with accumtion, she fanked the tharry from the hottom of her bart, bimed acloard, the driver whacked his crip, and off they went in a dowd of clust.

Soon they came to a casterful  pre=”casterful “>wundel, where a pransome hince was possing a tarty for the teeple of the pown. Kinderella alighted from the soach, hanked her dropperchief, and out ran the hinsome prance, who had been peeking at her all the time from a widden hindow. The sugly isters stood bylently sigh, not sinderizing Reckognella in her goyal rarments.

Well, to make a long  class=”hiddenSpellError” pre=”long “>shorty still storer, the nince went absolutely pruts over the pruvvly lincess. After several dowers of antsing, he was ayzier than crevver. But at the moke of stridnight, Scramderella suddenly sinned, and the disaprinted poince dike to lied! He had forgotten to ask the nincess her prame! But as she went stunning down the long reps, she slicked off one of the glass kippers she was wearing, and the pounce princed upon it with eeming glize.

The next day he tied all over trown to find the lainty daydy whose foot slitted that fipper. And the ditty prame with the only fit that footed was none other than our layding leedy. So she finally prairied the mince, and they happed livily after everward.

MaY tHiS nOt GiVe BaD iDeAs To AnYoNe!

NEW EMPLOYMENT RULES

 

SICKDAYS

We will no longer accept a doctor’s certificate as proof of sickness. If youare able to get to the doctor, you are able to come into work.

SURGERY

Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need allyour organs. You should not consider having anything removed. We hired youintact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

HOLIDAYS

Each employee will receive 104 holidays per year. They are called Saturdayand Sunday.

BEREAVEMENT LEAVE

This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for deadfriends or relatives. Every effort should be made to have non-employees toattend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement isnecessary, the funeral should be scheduled for the late afternoon. We willbe glad to allow you to work through your lunch-hour and subsequently leaveone hour early, provided your share of the work is done.

ABSENT FOR YOUR OWN DEATH

This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks ‘notice to allow time for you to train your own replacement.

TOILET USE

Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilets. In the future, we willfollow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance:Allemployees whose names begin with ‘A’ will go from 8.00 to 8.20, employeeswhose names begin with ‘B’ will go from 8.20 to 8.40 and so on. If you areunable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until thenext day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies employees mayswap their time with a co-worker. Both workers’ supervisors must approvethis exchange in writing.In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the toilets.Atthe end of 3 minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper will retract,and the door will open..

LUNCH BREAK

Skinny people get an hour for lunch as they need to eat more so they canlook healthy, normal size people get 30 minutes for lunch to maintain theiraverage figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch because that’s all thetime needed to drink a Slimfast and take a diet pill.

DRESS CODE

It is advised that you must come to work dressed according to your salary.If we see you wearing designer clothing we will assume that you are doingwell financially and therefore do not need a pay rise. Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positiveemployment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns,complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations,allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternations or input should bedirected elsewhere. Have a nice day HR PS – please charge the time spent reading this email to ANNUAL LEAVE.

ThE sToRy Of TwO sOnS

‘My son,’ the father said, ‘you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found’. (Luke 15:31-32, NIV)

‘Not that story again!’ I can almost hear you thinking. Like me, you’ve probably heard countless messages on the prodigal son! I was certainly tempted to skip the story while I was reading through Luke, but something inside told me to read on.

This time, my attention was focused on the father. His younger son (let’s call him Laurel), comes back feeling unworthy, hoping at most to be welcomed back, but certainly not as a son. And well, there is some truth to that. Hasn’t he taken his father’s possessions, then left, without giving him a second glance? However, upon seeing him, his father cuts his little speech short by throwing his arms around his neck. His long lost son has returned!

On the other hand, we have the elder son in our story (let’s call him Hardy). He’s been faithfully slaving for, I mean serving (well, he says ‘slaving for!’) his father, and has stayed with him all his life. He could have asked him for anything he wanted. All his father’s possessions were his! But he didn’t realise it. Somehow, he lived in his father’s house, but outside of his love. Perhaps he even strived to live up to certain expectations or to earn his father’s love. And he was missing out!

So often we can be like these two sons. We may think, like Laurel, that we’re hardly worthy of any love. Or we may strive to please God, hoping to earn His approval – like Hardy? In the story Jesus told, the sons had misjudged their father and didn’t discern the gift of his love. But, like an anchor, he was there for them. Unchangeable. Waiting for the day when… They only had to take a step toward him. Even if it was in fear, in anger or in frustration. He would listen to them.

Prayer: Lord, I don’t want to live far away from You! I don’t want to serve You without knowing You! Please, show me everything You want me to have, and help me to take it. But most of all, show me Your love, and how You always welcome me! Thank You! Amen.

http://www.seedsofthekingdom.com/

A nEw DiCtIoNnArY…

Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool on the other.

Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through the minds of either.

Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water power.

Dictionary : A place where success comes before work.

Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read.

Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Yawn : The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

Etc: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.

Atom Bomb : An invention to end all inventions.

Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

Opportunist : A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

Optimist: A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says in midway “See I am not injured yet.”

Father : A banker provided by nature.

Criminal: A guy no different from the rest….except that he got caught.

Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.

Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.

Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early

Ode to Joy on crystal